Hello ladies! What I'm looking for in a soulmate is fairly simple, and an easy position to fill.

You must:
a. be anorexic (or just unhealthily skinny)
b. have very low self esteem (I can't have you thinking that you are worth much, now can I?)
c. cook daily (for me, I don't want you getting fat)
d. be limited to 500 words a day (sweet silence)
e. have low standards (i'm not a pretty mug)
f. have a ton of money (be my sugar mamma!)

In the following picture, I am the one on the left. Please keep in mind, that I am this belligerently drunk on most occasions.